Notes to self.

Things I need to remember…

– I need to go see my grandma more.  She is an incredible woman.

– “People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

– I shouldn’t question how many rounds I did at CrossFit just because I finished before everyone else.  Though, doing an extra round when in doubt isn’t going to hurt me (and I might still be done before other people).

– I should stop making peanut butter banana bread.  I should also stop making blueberry nut bread.  Because I just want to eat it all.  But since it’s for my best friend’s birthday, that problem was solved.  Until I eat some this weekend.

– I’m going to have good days and bad days.  But everyday that I do CrossFit automatically becomes a good day when I complete the WOD.

– I don’t give myself enough credit.  (I’ve had several people tell me this recently.)

– Running really does fix everything.

– Sometimes a weekend away is all you need.

– There are some people in this world that know you better than you know yourself sometimes.  Never let those people go, as they are the ones you can always truly count on.

…So on that note, I’m headed to upstate New York to celebrate the birthday of my absolute best friend in the entire world.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

——

Edited to add this:

“You create beauty with your attitude, your behaviors, and your actions. It’s all up to you.”

This is pretty much my philosophy…I’ve just been unable to put it into words.  Kind of like this whole idea: “You can’t control how other people behave, only how you react.”

Okay for real though.  Have a great weekend.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” –Albert Einstein

Since I last wrote, quite a bit has happened.  I left things vague for a reason, but I’m okay with the way things are shaping up and definitely want to write about it.

It’s no secret that I really wasn’t crazy about my job.  I worked in IT as a Business Analyst, but both my Bachelors and Masters are related to communications.  Last Tuesday, I sat down with my boss to have a conversation about my options.

Leading up to this conversation, I had approached a couple of people about opportunities in our New York City office, or with clients there.  This led to a conversation with one of my managers about my position and how I wasn’t meeting the expectations of the role.  When I talked to the manager I report directly to, we agreed that it wasn’t a good fit for both the company and myself, but we agreed to discuss it further on Tuesday.

In my meeting with my manager on Tuesday, I was faced with two choices.  The first option was that I would go through a two-week trial period in the Business Analyst role, with the expectations clearly outlined (something I hadn’t seen in my ten months at the job prior to this point).  If I chose to sign the agreement, I would agree to meet the expectations and then if I didn’t, I would risk termination.  Additionally, the fact that I needed to go through this two-week period would go in my file.  The second option was that I leave voluntarily.  My manager mentioned that while a former manager had hired me for a very specific reason, no one was sure what that reason was, and since I had no experience in or knowledge of IT prior to starting, I was put in a bad position.  With no training in place and without anyone to sit down and work with me, I was never really put in a position to succeed in this role.  So when I asked my manager if I was set up to fail from the moment I was hired, she wholeheartedly agreed.  It was difficult to hear but it also helped me make my decision.

On Tuesday, I packed up my things, handed in my laptop, and said goodbye to a couple of people.  The truth is, I was too upset to say goodbye to everyone.  I was also embarrassed, because I felt like a failure.

Wednesday morning, I had a conference call with my manager and the head of HR at corporate, and we went over my paperwork and severance package.  After we hung up with the HR person, I spoke with my manager about everything and I realize that everything worked out as it should.  In the end, not every job is going to be the right fit, and this situation captured that reality more than anything I’ve ever experienced or heard about.

After Tuesday, I had to sit down and really evaluate things.  Back in August, I had only been at this job for maybe six weeks, but I saw an opening for a position at a nearby college that I was very much interested in.  I spoke to a girl I went to high school with who works in that department at that college, and while there was a chance I could have pursued that opportunity further, I chose not to because I wanted to give my current job a fair chance.

It’s funny how things work out.  Tuesday, after leaving work for the last time, I reached out to this girl about any positions opening up.  She informed me that that same morning, one of her colleagues announced she was leaving.  I’ve already given my friend my resume and cover letter and I’m hopefully going to have an incredible opportunity in front of me in the next few weeks.

With that, I met a girl on my flight home from Florida whose mom works in the internal communications department at a big company in Hartford.  I got her mom’s contact information and met up with her yesterday for coffee and to discuss getting into the field and any possible opportunities at her company.  She mentioned that while jobs are tough because of budgets, she will keep an eye out for me, but also mentioned possible freelance opportunities.  She has already spoken to the woman in charge of hiring for freelancing, and has given her my information.

Anyway, the point of all of this is to explain how things really have turned completely around for me in a matter of days.  To say that I wake up discouraged and depressed sometimes is an understatement.  More than anything, I hate not having a job to go to and I hate feeling like a failure.  But at the same time, yesterday completely changed my outlook on everything.

I was at a job where I was miserable, uninterested, and didn’t understand anything for close to a year.  And now I have a couple of opportunities in front of me that I am excited about.  And whereas before, I was excited simply to have a job, I am now actually excited about the work I will be doing.

In the end, this whole situation comes down to one thing, and really one thing only: knowing what I am worth.  There is the whole work situation, as well as more personal things, but all of my issues and problems have stemmed from me not knowing my full value.  I am an incredibly beautiful, strong, talented, compassionate, intelligent woman with so much potential to do so many wonderful things.  If people in my life, regardless of their purported role, don’t see that, then why bother with them?