I’m Lazy But Having a Plan Helps

When it comes to a lot of things, I need to get my act together.  Aside from finding a job I’m excited and passionate about, there is one thing in particular that I really hope to focus my energy on in the coming weeks.  And I’m writing it here for the world to see so that perhaps I will be held accountable.

I’ve been lazy lately.  Like, really lazy.  It’s hard to get into an exercise routine when any daily routine is virtually lacking.  That being said, I know of one thing that will motivate me to run more than anything else.  What is that one thing, you ask?  Signing up for races.

By signing up for a race, I have made a commitment.  I have put the money down (good thing it’s non-refundable) and for some reason, it becomes more real to me that I will be running a race in “x” number of weeks and I need to get my act together because if I don’t, I will be disappointed in myself and it will be a waste of time and money.

I have been perusing the interweb (my 95 year-old grandma called the Internet this before anyone else) and I have found a few races that I think I am going to do.  And so, I present to you, my race calendar for the remainder of 2012:

April
Sunday, April 29 – Cheshire Half Marathon – Cheshire, CT

May
Sunday, May 27 – Boston’s Run to Remember – Boston, MA **
Saturday, May 19 – Brooklyn Half Marathon – Brooklyn, NY

June
Sunday, June 3 – Amica Iron Horse Half Marathon – Simsbury, CT

July
Saturday, July 14 – Jamestown Half Marathon – Jamestown, RI**

August
Sunday, August 19 – Rock ‘n Roll Providence Half Marathon – Providence, RI **

September
Sunday, September 23 – Niantic Bay Half Marathon – Niantic, CT

October
Saturday, October 13 – ING Hartford Marathon – Hartford, CT

November
Sunday, November 4 – ING New York City Marathon – New York, NY **

December
Sunday, December 2 – Rock ‘n Roll Las Vegas Marathon – Las Vegas, NV

**tentative

——

As of right now, there are a few races that are tentative.  Boston’s Run to Remember is because it’s only a week before the Iron Horse Half.  I will definitely be doing the Amica Iron Horse Half because it’s 20 minutes away from me, but I don’t know how much I’m into the idea of doing races two consecutive weekends.  July and August both have tentative races because while both races will undoubtedly be wonderful, there aren’t many listings for those months yet.  However, based on my race in Newport last October, I know that Jamestown will be beautiful.  And my first half marathon was the one in Providence, which I ran back last August, so that will be special for me to do.  But Competitor’s races are expensive and if I can find one that is closer and cheaper, I’m going to choose that one.

And finally, the NYC Marathon is tentative because I won’t find out for a few weeks whether or not I’ve been selected from the drawing.  Fingers crossed.

Also, I realize how crazy it is for me to do a marathon a month from October through December but I’m kind of thinking I won’t be chosen for the NYC Marathon…and even if I am, I think I will at least give it a go.  The body can do some incredible things.

I’m actually not even sure if at this point I can pull of a half marathon four weeks from tomorrow, but we’ll see.  I think I’m going to see how I’m feeling by the end of next week and if I feel like I can do it then I’ll just sign up.  Muscle memory is a tremendous thing…I think I can do it.  Might as well at least try.  Then I can stop being so lazy.

Last Updated:  April 23, 2012

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That Time I Was Irish and I Got TB

Updates on my very special life:

March 16-17: I went to to Washington, DC to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  All of St. Patrick’s Day was spent stopping in at various bars in Dupont Circle and it was phenomenal.

We left my friend’s apartment at 10:30 a.m. and didn’t get back until 3 a.m.  Then I had to get up at 6 a.m. to catch a train back to Connecticut.  That was less than ideal but I’m not even mad.

March 18:  Left DC around 7:30 a.m., got home around 2:00 p.m.  Then I took it easy and then went to my friend’s house to watch the season finale of The Walking Dead.  This episode was ridiculous and I absolutely cannot wait for the fall so season three can start.  But my response to Lori?

Ugh, she sucks.  I can’t wait for her character to be killed off.

March 19-25: I met up with one guy friend on Thursday to watch college basketball.  Then I met up with another guy friend on Saturday to watch more college basketball.  I watched both games at the same place and saw some of the same people; I bet they think I’m really popular with members of the opposite sex, which is funny to me.

Just did a Google search for “I’m not a player I just crush a lot gif,” and these were the first five pictures that came up:

The rest of the week was full of me feeling like absolute crap (though I doubt eating bar food and drinking beer helped all that much).  Good thing Google was on my side and a quick search of my symptoms yielded plenty of results, including pancreatic cancer, Hodgkin’s disease, and the following from WebMD:

That’s right, my friends, I also have Tuberculosis, an intestinal parasitic infection, and another infection caused by a roundworm.  Turns out TB and parasites are now first-world problems.

Anyway, despite my terrible case of TB, mono, and various infections from parasites, I’m going back down to DC again this weekend.  Life doesn’t stop because I’m plagued by multiple illnesses at the same time.

——–

So those are my exciting updates.  Additionally, I’ve decided on a few races I plan to do…I currently have one mapped out for every month for the rest of the year.  That list will be posted in the next few days, but it’s looking like half marathons through September, and then two or three marathons to wrap up the year.  I’m feeling good about it.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” –Albert Einstein

Since I last wrote, quite a bit has happened.  I left things vague for a reason, but I’m okay with the way things are shaping up and definitely want to write about it.

It’s no secret that I really wasn’t crazy about my job.  I worked in IT as a Business Analyst, but both my Bachelors and Masters are related to communications.  Last Tuesday, I sat down with my boss to have a conversation about my options.

Leading up to this conversation, I had approached a couple of people about opportunities in our New York City office, or with clients there.  This led to a conversation with one of my managers about my position and how I wasn’t meeting the expectations of the role.  When I talked to the manager I report directly to, we agreed that it wasn’t a good fit for both the company and myself, but we agreed to discuss it further on Tuesday.

In my meeting with my manager on Tuesday, I was faced with two choices.  The first option was that I would go through a two-week trial period in the Business Analyst role, with the expectations clearly outlined (something I hadn’t seen in my ten months at the job prior to this point).  If I chose to sign the agreement, I would agree to meet the expectations and then if I didn’t, I would risk termination.  Additionally, the fact that I needed to go through this two-week period would go in my file.  The second option was that I leave voluntarily.  My manager mentioned that while a former manager had hired me for a very specific reason, no one was sure what that reason was, and since I had no experience in or knowledge of IT prior to starting, I was put in a bad position.  With no training in place and without anyone to sit down and work with me, I was never really put in a position to succeed in this role.  So when I asked my manager if I was set up to fail from the moment I was hired, she wholeheartedly agreed.  It was difficult to hear but it also helped me make my decision.

On Tuesday, I packed up my things, handed in my laptop, and said goodbye to a couple of people.  The truth is, I was too upset to say goodbye to everyone.  I was also embarrassed, because I felt like a failure.

Wednesday morning, I had a conference call with my manager and the head of HR at corporate, and we went over my paperwork and severance package.  After we hung up with the HR person, I spoke with my manager about everything and I realize that everything worked out as it should.  In the end, not every job is going to be the right fit, and this situation captured that reality more than anything I’ve ever experienced or heard about.

After Tuesday, I had to sit down and really evaluate things.  Back in August, I had only been at this job for maybe six weeks, but I saw an opening for a position at a nearby college that I was very much interested in.  I spoke to a girl I went to high school with who works in that department at that college, and while there was a chance I could have pursued that opportunity further, I chose not to because I wanted to give my current job a fair chance.

It’s funny how things work out.  Tuesday, after leaving work for the last time, I reached out to this girl about any positions opening up.  She informed me that that same morning, one of her colleagues announced she was leaving.  I’ve already given my friend my resume and cover letter and I’m hopefully going to have an incredible opportunity in front of me in the next few weeks.

With that, I met a girl on my flight home from Florida whose mom works in the internal communications department at a big company in Hartford.  I got her mom’s contact information and met up with her yesterday for coffee and to discuss getting into the field and any possible opportunities at her company.  She mentioned that while jobs are tough because of budgets, she will keep an eye out for me, but also mentioned possible freelance opportunities.  She has already spoken to the woman in charge of hiring for freelancing, and has given her my information.

Anyway, the point of all of this is to explain how things really have turned completely around for me in a matter of days.  To say that I wake up discouraged and depressed sometimes is an understatement.  More than anything, I hate not having a job to go to and I hate feeling like a failure.  But at the same time, yesterday completely changed my outlook on everything.

I was at a job where I was miserable, uninterested, and didn’t understand anything for close to a year.  And now I have a couple of opportunities in front of me that I am excited about.  And whereas before, I was excited simply to have a job, I am now actually excited about the work I will be doing.

In the end, this whole situation comes down to one thing, and really one thing only: knowing what I am worth.  There is the whole work situation, as well as more personal things, but all of my issues and problems have stemmed from me not knowing my full value.  I am an incredibly beautiful, strong, talented, compassionate, intelligent woman with so much potential to do so many wonderful things.  If people in my life, regardless of their purported role, don’t see that, then why bother with them?

I Think I’ve Made My Decision.

I don’t think I can go to New York.  Not yet, anyway.  There are a few things that made this decision difficult.  But there are also a few things that made it really easy.

For one, in order for us to get the price we wanted on a specific apartment, we would have to sign a two-year lease.  With no job lined up, and only enough for just under a year’s worth of rent, it wouldn’t make sense for me to sign a lease and make that commitment.  As much as I want to have that “now is the time to take risks” mentality, this is just a bit too much of a risk.

The other big reason I won’t be leaving is because of work.  Long story short, I am in a situation now where I have presumably been given an opportunity to do well, and to succeed.  Whereas ideally this opportunity would’ve arisen months ago (or even when I first started back in June), I suppose it is better late than never.  At this point, I need to have a chance to excel and I need to prove what I am capable of.  I am no IT genius, that’s for sure.  But I do believe that if I am trained and given the resources I need to do well, I will excel.  And if I don’t, then it’s on me.  But at this point, my future can be deeply affected one way or the other with this position.  If I committed myself to giving it my all and then chose to leave in three weeks, that would not smart.  It wouldn’t look good, and it would leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

As I mentioned last time, if New York is something I really want, then I will get there.  It may be six months, it may be a year, but it will happen if I want it to, because ultimately I make the decisions, and I make things happen.

——

I leave you with this adorable picture that showed up in my email earlier today.  It’s no secret that I love pitbulls, so here is this:

And may I remind you that this breed of dog is allegedly dangerous and aggressive.  I think not.

——

ETA (about an hour later): I was mistaken.  Notice how above I said presumably?  Well that presumed opportunity was wrong.  In its place?  No opportunities here, but plenty of opportunities elsewhere.  On to bigger and better things, I guess.  But still not sure what’s next.

I’ve Been Having Doubts…

…about my big decision.  My big decision to move to Manhattan.  But I can’t sit on this decision much longer.  My roommates want to get together to sign a lease next Saturday.  As in, just over a week from now.  As in, I need to make a decision.

I’ve been dabbling in a list of mental pros and cons to moving and staying, but I have yet to actually write one out.  So I guess this is what I will do.

Staying Pros

  • Save more money.  If I decide I want to move anywhere in the near future, staying at my current job and continuing to live at home will allow me to save a lot more money.
  • Continue to hang out with friends here.  Go figure, I’m just now starting to have a more active social life.  At the very least, I have a few people I can always count on, so that’s nice.
  • Be close to family.  My grandma is 95 and my dog is near the end.  I know my grandma wouldn’t want to be the reason to hold me back, but it’s nice knowing that if something happens I am always like a 15-minute drive from her house.  And that goes for the rest of my family as well.  Regardless of the fact that New York is a mere 2.5 hours away, a 15-minute drive is easier and cheaper.
  • It will give me more time to make a decision.  If this is something I really want, then six months or a year from now, I’ll still want it.  What is the rush?
  • I would be able to stay at my current job, seeing as I don’t have one lined up in New York.  This is probably one of the biggest reasons I don’t want to move.  Unemployment is not looking all that thrilling to me, especially when I’d be in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

Staying Cons

  • I will always wonder “What if?” if I don’t go.  This is something I’ve wanted for years.  Years and years and years.  If I stay, I will always have some sort of doubt in my mind about what life would’ve been like if I’d gone.
  • I would have to stay at my current job, seeing as I don’t have one lined up here.  It’s no secret that I’m not crazy about my current career path.  If I didn’t move, I’d stay at my current job for lack of another opportunity.  At this point, I’ve already expressed interest in moving (but staying with the company) to the higher-ups, so I really can’t stay, even if I wanted to.  And I’m not even sure that I want to.
  • I’d be letting two great people down.  I know I need to worry about myself more than anyone else, but I have pretty much committed to living with two great girls.  I would really hate to let them down.  I know they’d find someone else easily, but still.

Moving Pros

  • It’s New York.  Nothing else more to say.
  • I’d be able to start over.  There is no better place for me to find a job in my field, nor is there a better place for me to “figure myself out.”  And if I decide my field isn’t for me, there are so many places and opportunities from which I will be able to determine what I want to do with my life.
  • I have friends there.  It’s not like I don’t know anyone there.  I’ll already be living with two great girls, and I know quite a few people from college that live in Manhattan and Brooklyn.
  • Now is the time to do it.  If I wait too long, I’ll never do it, and the opportunity to be reckless and take risks is slowly closing in on me.  I likely won’t have the chance to do something like this years from now, so at this point in my life, it’s pretty much the ideal time.

Moving Cons

  • Money.  It’s all about that paper.  I don’t have enough to last more than a year there.  Ideally, I wanted to have a job lined up before I left so that I would have money coming in right away.  I hate that the second I sign that lease, I’ll be giving away thousands of dollars for that first month of rent, as well as the deposit.  And if there’s a broker fee?  Forget it.  Money is stressing me out a lot.  Being the frugal person I am, the thought of paying three times as much for rent than when I lived in Worcester (and probably three times as much for literally everything else) gives me anxiety.
  • No job.  Yeah, you get it by now.  I don’t have a job lined up yet.  It’s freaking me out.
  • I will always wonder “What if?” if I leave.  What if I found a job I liked here?  What if I found a great relationship?  What if I saved up more money and then could buy a house or move anywhere I wanted with far less stress?
  • I’d be leaving my friends/coworkers.  This ties back to the “letting people down” con for not moving.  It’s not so much me letting anyone down.  More than anything else, it’s just leaving some really great people behind.  Friendships always make me sad when I know that they are possibly temporary.  Now that time is winding down, I get sad thinking that the wonderful friends I’ve made through work and that I’ve know for years will not really be a part of my life anymore.

——

So there we have it.

Staying…
The pros?  There’s five of them.
The cons?  Three.

Moving…
The pros?  Four.
The cons?  Four.

So overall?  There are more pros and less cons to me staying.  Mathematically, it makes sense for me to stay.

But I’m still so torn right now.  I guess in the end it comes down to overall motivation.  This is something I’ve been questioning as well.  Yes, I’ve always wanted to live in New York, but is it possible that certain circumstances have pushed me in either direction, both to stay and to move?  Absolutely.  That’s something else I’m going to have to think about and write down in the next few days.

Why is this so stressful?  How could I have been so sure of this a few weeks ago and now I feel like this decision will ruin everything?