I Have a Bad Habit

Well, I have more than one bad habit, but for now I’ll just talk about one.

I had such a good time with my coworkers tonight…it was the first time I’ve been out since I moved home in May.  Quite honestly, life has been fairly boring, so it was fun to get out and do something a little different.  But on my way home, I went from feeling so elated from the night to…sad.

I couldn’t quite place my finger on it, but I thought about it more, and I began thinking about something I’ve noticed about myself.

My mom has called me out on it before, and I never thought she was right, but I realized recently that she is correct.  Completely, and 100% right.  Whoa, don’t tell her I said that.  I have a tendency of looking at everyone else, and thinking they have it better than me.

I look at two of my best friends living together up in Boston.  Both work at schools, doing jobs they love.  Both in a happy relationship, living in an amazing apartment in Boston.  I look at another one of my friends from school living up in Massachusetts.  Her job is less-than-ideal for her, but overall, she’s happy and life is good (Elissa, I’m looking at you).  Another one of my old roommates is living at home, but in a couple of months, she’s leaving to work in Bolivia for 9 months.  I could go on and on about people I know, but I’ll refrain from doing so.

And then I look back at myself.

Yes, I have a good paying job.  I’m lucky for that, and I know I am.  But here I am, living at home.  Back in a town I swore to myself I’d never return to.  I’m saving up a lot of money, and I’m happy about that, as I know it will give me a lot of opportunities in the future, but still.  I’m lost.  I am not happy with any aspect of my life.  I’m content with some parts, but content isn’t good enough.  Life is too short to be merely content with things.

And I feel so stupid writing this and feeling this way.  I know that I’m so fortunate to have everything I have and I also know that plenty of people look at me the way that I look at other people and think that I have everything.  I know that no one has a perfect life; I get that.  But something is missing for me.  Something has been missing for a very long time and I don’t know what it is.

I feel like I’m going through the motions every single day.  I feel like I wish the week away so it can be the weekend.  I feel like I’m wasting time.  I feel like I have no direction.

I’m So Clever Sometimes, I’m Jealous of Myself

Exhibit A:

A card I made for a coworker whose last day of work is tomorrow.

Also, we’ll probably still see him, as he’s planning on going to another coworker’s Halloween party (hooray for drinking while in costume) and he still plans on going to lunch with us every week.

I don’t know why, but I think this is so funny.  Maybe I’m not that clever after all.

The Other Day

I was driving home from a meeting.  I was in a less-than-great part of Hartford.

As I was sitting at a stop light, I turned to the right and something caught my eye.

A man was walking with a lamb.  Yes, a little baby sheep at his side.  In the middle of the ghetto.